"God has given each of you from His great variety of spiritual gifts. Manage them well so that God's generosity can flow through you." -I Peter 4:10
Pastor Barnett always says that God doesn't need our money, He needs our obedience. We tithe and give offering because the Bible says to (Mal. 3:10 & II Cor.9:7).
With our obedience comes God knowing that when we are faithful in the smallest of things He will give us greater things. He continues to bless us when we are faithful.
This leads me to ask this question:
How can God help us grow in our talents if we won't help grow His kingdom? We often ask for God to bless us, or to help us find the perfect job or mate. Well, then why aren't we planting seeds? Why aren't we asking God to help us develop our talents, so that when we are blessed, we can bless OTHERS?
Being a blessing to others doesn't mean that you give cash away all the time. Sometimes, blessing others is a talent that needs to be developed in other ways. Being a friend who listens. Maybe being the one who sends an encouraging email or gives a phone call to say that you were thinking of someone. We never know what people are going through. Sometimes, developing your spiritual gifts may be as easy as learning to listen to that inner voice that nudges you to speak to someone you don't know, and maybe befriend them.
You will never know how you can be a blessing if you don't let God develop your gifts. Be faithful in the smallest things, and He will give you more.
Thursday, December 30, 2004
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
My Favorite
"Every good and perfect gift comes to us from above, who created all heaven's lights. Unlike them, He never changes or casts shifting shadows." -James 1:17
Monday, December 27, 2004
Mother's Know Best
When I was younger I wanted nothing more than to be independent and free. Especially from my mother. Why is it that young women need desperately to be away from our mothers, and yet we need them near?
I never realized how much I loved my mom, or just how much she loved me until July. I mean, I always knew that she loved me, but I didn't get HOW MUCH. Our relationship is strange, especially since she is not my birth mother. I've always been grateful to her for giving up her life to take me in. I've always been thankful for the sacrifices of her family, for me. They made me one of them. But I never really got it, until now. In a weird way, I never appreciated her the way that I should have.
July came and I was moving to Las Vegas. I was terrified of leaving home. I was afraid to drive alone. I didn't want to go, but I did. Mom gave up her weekend at the last second to drive with me. She wanted to make sure that I arrived safely.
When it came time for her to leave me, I cried. I was like a little girl standing in the school yard on my first day of kindergarten. I had never been without my mom. What would I do now?
I immediately became lonely. I didn't know if I could survive without this woman that had become my best friend, my mentor and the woman I wanted to be when I grew up.
Now that I am in DC- she worries about me. I am so far away. She doesn't ever hear from me. I try to explain that it's because I don't want to disappoint her. I haven't done all of the things that I said I was going to do. But in a way, I think she is proud of me, even if she hasn't said it.
I called her today. I cried and told her I wanted to come home. She said okay.
So, now, I am getting ready to leave this place so far away. I wanted my independence. Now all I want is my family.
I can't wait to see my mom!!
I never realized how much I loved my mom, or just how much she loved me until July. I mean, I always knew that she loved me, but I didn't get HOW MUCH. Our relationship is strange, especially since she is not my birth mother. I've always been grateful to her for giving up her life to take me in. I've always been thankful for the sacrifices of her family, for me. They made me one of them. But I never really got it, until now. In a weird way, I never appreciated her the way that I should have.
July came and I was moving to Las Vegas. I was terrified of leaving home. I was afraid to drive alone. I didn't want to go, but I did. Mom gave up her weekend at the last second to drive with me. She wanted to make sure that I arrived safely.
When it came time for her to leave me, I cried. I was like a little girl standing in the school yard on my first day of kindergarten. I had never been without my mom. What would I do now?
I immediately became lonely. I didn't know if I could survive without this woman that had become my best friend, my mentor and the woman I wanted to be when I grew up.
Now that I am in DC- she worries about me. I am so far away. She doesn't ever hear from me. I try to explain that it's because I don't want to disappoint her. I haven't done all of the things that I said I was going to do. But in a way, I think she is proud of me, even if she hasn't said it.
I called her today. I cried and told her I wanted to come home. She said okay.
So, now, I am getting ready to leave this place so far away. I wanted my independence. Now all I want is my family.
I can't wait to see my mom!!
Return, O Israel
As I was reading my daily devotional, I realized how great it is that God knows us so well. In this time of my need, there was my devotional. It is exactly what I needed to read. I too, am in the midst of a private battle. I have finally given in to God and come to know the bittersweet defeat. I would rather lose myself to God and His will than lose my soul anyday.
It is now that I surrender fully to God.
Our battles are first won or lost in the secret places of our will in God’s presence, never in full view of the world. The Spirit of God seizes me and I am compelled to get alone with God and fight the battle before Him. Until I do this, I will lose every time. The battle may take one minute or one year, but that will depend on me, not God. However long it takes, I must wrestle with it alone before God, and I must resolve to go through the hell of renunciation or rejection before Him. Nothing has any power over someone who has fought the battle before God and won there.
I should never say, "I will wait until I get into difficult circumstances and then I’ll put God to the test." Trying to do that will not work. I must first get the issue settled between God and myself in the secret places of my soul, where no one else can interfere. Then I can go ahead, knowing with certainty that the battle is won. Lose it there, and calamity, disaster, and defeat before the world are as sure as the laws of God. The reason the battle is lost is that I fight it first in the external world. Get alone with God, do battle before Him, and settle the matter once and for all.
In dealing with other people, our stance should always be to drive them toward making a decision of their will. That is how surrendering to God begins. Not often, but every once in a while, God brings us to a major turning point—a great crossroads in our life. From that point we either go toward a more and more slow, lazy, and useless Christian life, or we become more and more on fire, giving our utmost for His highest—our best for His glory.
-Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest Devotional (www.gospelcom.net/rbc/utmost)
It is now that I surrender fully to God.
###
"If you will return, O Israel, says the Lord..." -Jeremiah 4:1
Our battles are first won or lost in the secret places of our will in God’s presence, never in full view of the world. The Spirit of God seizes me and I am compelled to get alone with God and fight the battle before Him. Until I do this, I will lose every time. The battle may take one minute or one year, but that will depend on me, not God. However long it takes, I must wrestle with it alone before God, and I must resolve to go through the hell of renunciation or rejection before Him. Nothing has any power over someone who has fought the battle before God and won there.
I should never say, "I will wait until I get into difficult circumstances and then I’ll put God to the test." Trying to do that will not work. I must first get the issue settled between God and myself in the secret places of my soul, where no one else can interfere. Then I can go ahead, knowing with certainty that the battle is won. Lose it there, and calamity, disaster, and defeat before the world are as sure as the laws of God. The reason the battle is lost is that I fight it first in the external world. Get alone with God, do battle before Him, and settle the matter once and for all.
In dealing with other people, our stance should always be to drive them toward making a decision of their will. That is how surrendering to God begins. Not often, but every once in a while, God brings us to a major turning point—a great crossroads in our life. From that point we either go toward a more and more slow, lazy, and useless Christian life, or we become more and more on fire, giving our utmost for His highest—our best for His glory.
-Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest Devotional (www.gospelcom.net/rbc/utmost)
No What Ifs
What if I never make it? What if I never find the love of my life? What if I already met him, and I passed him by, for what I thought was a better find? What if...What if...What if...
I have determined that I will have no "what if's" in my life. From now on, Carpe Diem. Live life to its fullest. Pray to God that I stay in His perfect will, but if I don't, know that His grace is sufficient and expansive enough for Him to bring me back to where I need to be. And besides, no one else may love me, but He always will.
I have determined that I will have no "what if's" in my life. From now on, Carpe Diem. Live life to its fullest. Pray to God that I stay in His perfect will, but if I don't, know that His grace is sufficient and expansive enough for Him to bring me back to where I need to be. And besides, no one else may love me, but He always will.
Saturday, December 25, 2004
How Long?
I am sitting here on the couch watching "Joey" with Chris. The premise of the show is that Joey's nephew has moved in with him & is looking for dating advice. The nephew finally gets a girls number and there is a debate on how long to wait to call someone. Well, I am going to clear up the confusion for all of you men out there, and for the women who expect a call that night (ridiculous) and the ones who think three weeks later is acceptable.
Situation One:
You are at a party/bar/club/church/restaurant. An unknown approaches you. You talk, have great banter and he asks for your phone number.
If he doesn't call within three days, forget it. It's not happening. If he calls next week, blow him off. He was obviously not that interested and you should not be either.
Situation Two:
A friend introduces you to someone. Because you share a mutual friend, there should be some sort of communication within 24-48 hours, even if to say "It was nice meeting you, but..." (you don't want to make your friend have to explain to the other friend that there was no chemistry, be man, or woman enough to do this yourself, and quickly)
Situation Three:
You go on a date, expect a call within 48 hours (I believe 72 Hours is too long). If the date was terrible, guys, call and break it off the next day. Don't put off what you can do today for tomorrow. Fish or cut bait, one of my FAVORITE sayings when it comes to relationships. If it was great, why would you want to wait? Call her in the mid afternoon to let her know you enjoyed yourself.
RECAP:
Women don't want someone who is overly bearing. A call that night, or even the next morning may seem to be a bit too eager for a woman, and it can turn us off. HOWEVER, if you are overly aloof, we may think you are stuck on yourself, disinterested, or just a complete jackhole.
Take your time, but hurry up!
Situation One:
You are at a party/bar/club/church/restaurant. An unknown approaches you. You talk, have great banter and he asks for your phone number.
If he doesn't call within three days, forget it. It's not happening. If he calls next week, blow him off. He was obviously not that interested and you should not be either.
Situation Two:
A friend introduces you to someone. Because you share a mutual friend, there should be some sort of communication within 24-48 hours, even if to say "It was nice meeting you, but..." (you don't want to make your friend have to explain to the other friend that there was no chemistry, be man, or woman enough to do this yourself, and quickly)
Situation Three:
You go on a date, expect a call within 48 hours (I believe 72 Hours is too long). If the date was terrible, guys, call and break it off the next day. Don't put off what you can do today for tomorrow. Fish or cut bait, one of my FAVORITE sayings when it comes to relationships. If it was great, why would you want to wait? Call her in the mid afternoon to let her know you enjoyed yourself.
RECAP:
Women don't want someone who is overly bearing. A call that night, or even the next morning may seem to be a bit too eager for a woman, and it can turn us off. HOWEVER, if you are overly aloof, we may think you are stuck on yourself, disinterested, or just a complete jackhole.
Take your time, but hurry up!
Seeing is Believing
It doesn't feel like Christmas. I was talking with a co-worker from Pakistan. In America, Christmas is so commercialized. We've lost touch with the "Reason for the Season," the birth of our Lord and Savior, the one who came to Earth in the form of a baby to die on a cross. In Pakistan, Christmas is a time for family and reflecting. I think that the pressures have gotten to us in America, and our greediness is to blame.
Working in retail allows me to come into contact with a lot of people. I hear children saying, "I want, I want, I want." I see so many people charging. Rarely is there a cash buyer. What is it worth if you end up spending three times the price in credit card interest?
When did Christmas become less about being thankful for what we do have; family, friends, health and freedom; and more about how much crap we can acquire?
I hope that when I am blessed enough to have a family of my own, I will not succumb to the pressures of spoiling my children. I hope that I will not be one of those women that demand expensive gifts to "show how much they care." Caring is year 'round. If one or two days a year we expect expensive trinkets because the men in our lives don't show they care the other 364 days of the year, maybe we should have known our men and their lack of emotional availability before we married them?
So, hold me to it. No Tiffany's for me (not unless I am blessed enough to have a man that can pay CASH and pay the other bills). I would rather be comfortable than confined by debt.
Christmas= Christ's Day. Let's stop asking, "What did I get" and ask, "What do I already have that I am thankful for?"
Working in retail allows me to come into contact with a lot of people. I hear children saying, "I want, I want, I want." I see so many people charging. Rarely is there a cash buyer. What is it worth if you end up spending three times the price in credit card interest?
When did Christmas become less about being thankful for what we do have; family, friends, health and freedom; and more about how much crap we can acquire?
I hope that when I am blessed enough to have a family of my own, I will not succumb to the pressures of spoiling my children. I hope that I will not be one of those women that demand expensive gifts to "show how much they care." Caring is year 'round. If one or two days a year we expect expensive trinkets because the men in our lives don't show they care the other 364 days of the year, maybe we should have known our men and their lack of emotional availability before we married them?
So, hold me to it. No Tiffany's for me (not unless I am blessed enough to have a man that can pay CASH and pay the other bills). I would rather be comfortable than confined by debt.
Christmas= Christ's Day. Let's stop asking, "What did I get" and ask, "What do I already have that I am thankful for?"
Nothing to Fear, but Fear Itself
Well, I've been talking about this for a while and I have finally made my decision.
I'm going home to Phoenix!
It's Christmas Eve, and as I sat in service and listened to the preacher, I realized that this was not what God had intended for me. I know that He allowed it. I know that I learned many valuable lessons from this experience, ones that I might not have learned otherwise.
One thing I realize is that my whole life I have tried to please others. I've been afraid of disappointing anyone. I've been afraid to make my own decisions. I've been afraid to say that I was wrong.
Well, here it is in one sentence. "I WAS WRONG." -and that's not a bad thing.
I am going to start facing my fears.
Maybe I won't always live up to everyone's expectations, but I've already exceeded my own.
I'm not giving up -I'm just starting a new journey in life. Who knows where this one will lead me. I know one thing is for sure...THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME. (It feels great to know that you can ALWAYS go home, and to know that I am.)
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
I'm going home to Phoenix!
It's Christmas Eve, and as I sat in service and listened to the preacher, I realized that this was not what God had intended for me. I know that He allowed it. I know that I learned many valuable lessons from this experience, ones that I might not have learned otherwise.
One thing I realize is that my whole life I have tried to please others. I've been afraid of disappointing anyone. I've been afraid to make my own decisions. I've been afraid to say that I was wrong.
Well, here it is in one sentence. "I WAS WRONG." -and that's not a bad thing.
I am going to start facing my fears.
Maybe I won't always live up to everyone's expectations, but I've already exceeded my own.
I'm not giving up -I'm just starting a new journey in life. Who knows where this one will lead me. I know one thing is for sure...THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME. (It feels great to know that you can ALWAYS go home, and to know that I am.)
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
Thursday, December 23, 2004
Seeing Purple?
I read the most recent edition of Newsweek which leads me to ask ONE question: Huh?
I am sickened by the obvious bias that is apparent and overwhelming in the back to back articles. The first ("Audacity of Hope") tells a tale of a new DNC savior, if you will, named Barack Obama. In the latter ("Mr. Right"-even has condecending tones to the title!), Rick Santorum is a meanie and we all should fear and loathe him.
I am NOT someone that you should ever go head to head with on a Santorum debate. I think the man is a great leader with morals and values. He also has a soul that hasn't been sold to get where he is and he admits his mistakes from his past and doesn't make excuses for decisions that he made. He takes responsibility, and encourages others to do so as well, which may be why the "free thinkers" can't stand him. [on a side note: I also pledged to him almost two years ago, that if he ever ran for President (obviously, after our beloved W was out of office), I would drop everything to help him in his race.]
Which all this ranting is leading somewhere, and that somewhere is here.
How can you praise one individual for "not knowing where he stands, but we know that he's a God fearing man." and condemn another for being a "devout and devoted family man -father to six home schooled children -and a senator determined to champion the church's traditional moral principles in the public square."?
I think it has to do with the lines leading up to, or following both of these sentences in each article. Obama is 'multi-racial' and praised by Harry Reid, a liberal Mormon senator from NV, the new Minority Leader, since Daschle's ousting. Santorum, however, is a white Catholic, he homeschool's his children (Oh No!), and, here is the worst of it all, Santorum is close to the White House.
If Santorum was John McCain, someone who has no party loyalty. Someone who would actually consider (or not publicly deny-same thing in politics, by the way) that he may take a shot at the VP seat for a DEMOCRATIC nominee, then the liberal media would have NO problem with him! It's because of Rick Santorum's faith, and the fact that he won't sellout, that he has cheapshots being taken at him.
Newsweek claims that Obama & Santorum are on the road to the WH in '08. They even have the nerve to compare BO to JFK by saying, Barack will be the same age as JFK when he runs (and takes office).
Oh well, since Barack has the power to 'unite' the red states and the blue states, so that we all see purple, I guess he is the answer to all of our problems. Except, we still dont know where he stands on most issues, and being a Catholic, we know where he SHOULD stand, but then again with Reid, Kerry and the rest of the left wing loonies throwing their support behind him, I think we all know where he lies.
I personally would like to keep seeing RED, so as Republicans, we all must do whatever is neccessary to make sure that we keep up the fight. Elections are not won in election years. They are won when we let down our guard and get complacent.
I am sickened by the obvious bias that is apparent and overwhelming in the back to back articles. The first ("Audacity of Hope") tells a tale of a new DNC savior, if you will, named Barack Obama. In the latter ("Mr. Right"-even has condecending tones to the title!), Rick Santorum is a meanie and we all should fear and loathe him.
I am NOT someone that you should ever go head to head with on a Santorum debate. I think the man is a great leader with morals and values. He also has a soul that hasn't been sold to get where he is and he admits his mistakes from his past and doesn't make excuses for decisions that he made. He takes responsibility, and encourages others to do so as well, which may be why the "free thinkers" can't stand him. [on a side note: I also pledged to him almost two years ago, that if he ever ran for President (obviously, after our beloved W was out of office), I would drop everything to help him in his race.]
Which all this ranting is leading somewhere, and that somewhere is here.
How can you praise one individual for "not knowing where he stands, but we know that he's a God fearing man." and condemn another for being a "devout and devoted family man -father to six home schooled children -and a senator determined to champion the church's traditional moral principles in the public square."?
I think it has to do with the lines leading up to, or following both of these sentences in each article. Obama is 'multi-racial' and praised by Harry Reid, a liberal Mormon senator from NV, the new Minority Leader, since Daschle's ousting. Santorum, however, is a white Catholic, he homeschool's his children (Oh No!), and, here is the worst of it all, Santorum is close to the White House.
If Santorum was John McCain, someone who has no party loyalty. Someone who would actually consider (or not publicly deny-same thing in politics, by the way) that he may take a shot at the VP seat for a DEMOCRATIC nominee, then the liberal media would have NO problem with him! It's because of Rick Santorum's faith, and the fact that he won't sellout, that he has cheapshots being taken at him.
Newsweek claims that Obama & Santorum are on the road to the WH in '08. They even have the nerve to compare BO to JFK by saying, Barack will be the same age as JFK when he runs (and takes office).
Oh well, since Barack has the power to 'unite' the red states and the blue states, so that we all see purple, I guess he is the answer to all of our problems. Except, we still dont know where he stands on most issues, and being a Catholic, we know where he SHOULD stand, but then again with Reid, Kerry and the rest of the left wing loonies throwing their support behind him, I think we all know where he lies.
I personally would like to keep seeing RED, so as Republicans, we all must do whatever is neccessary to make sure that we keep up the fight. Elections are not won in election years. They are won when we let down our guard and get complacent.
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Pomp and Circumstance
I think I am beginning to grow up. Seriously.
Today I went for coffee at the Capitol Hill Club. This is a pretty prestigiouis place, located next to the Republican National Committee's headquarters and across from the Cannon House Office Building. As I walked in I noticed that I was relatively unaffected by the fact that I was there.
I didn't care if Karl Rove was inside, I just was unimpressed. Who cares about getting into a place that you have to be a "member at" just to have a cup of coffee?
Maybe as I get older I am harder to impress, or maybe as I get older I care less and less about impressing people or having to be impressed.
Why is it so important for people to be known? In the movie "Anchorman" Will Ferrell's character is at a party & says to a woman, "Hi, I'm Ron Burgundy, I'm pretty important. People know me around here." I feel like that is EVERY person I meet here. I like that the woman responds with, "I'm very happy for you." These are my exact sentiments!
I am tired of the game. I am tired of people wearing their resume's on their sleeve. Who cares who you work for? Who cares how you dress? I don't care if your bag came from Coach or Target, if its cute, work it. I am tired of people only talking to you if you can do something for them. I am tired of people only hanging out with people that look a certain way. I am tired of the BS, basically. Everyone needs to CHILL OUT!
Am I naive, or does the rest of the world operate this way? If so, I never noticed it before, and I'd like to go back to where it is doled out in more subtle undertones of arrogance.
Today I went for coffee at the Capitol Hill Club. This is a pretty prestigiouis place, located next to the Republican National Committee's headquarters and across from the Cannon House Office Building. As I walked in I noticed that I was relatively unaffected by the fact that I was there.
I didn't care if Karl Rove was inside, I just was unimpressed. Who cares about getting into a place that you have to be a "member at" just to have a cup of coffee?
Maybe as I get older I am harder to impress, or maybe as I get older I care less and less about impressing people or having to be impressed.
Why is it so important for people to be known? In the movie "Anchorman" Will Ferrell's character is at a party & says to a woman, "Hi, I'm Ron Burgundy, I'm pretty important. People know me around here." I feel like that is EVERY person I meet here. I like that the woman responds with, "I'm very happy for you." These are my exact sentiments!
I am tired of the game. I am tired of people wearing their resume's on their sleeve. Who cares who you work for? Who cares how you dress? I don't care if your bag came from Coach or Target, if its cute, work it. I am tired of people only talking to you if you can do something for them. I am tired of people only hanging out with people that look a certain way. I am tired of the BS, basically. Everyone needs to CHILL OUT!
Am I naive, or does the rest of the world operate this way? If so, I never noticed it before, and I'd like to go back to where it is doled out in more subtle undertones of arrogance.
You Can Putt
As I walked into my bosses office on that fateful Sunday afternoon, my eyes began to well up with tears. It was my first day on the job. Jen and I had just finished one of the LONGEST and most BORING meetings of our life. It was information overload.
My boss, MRS, called me into his office. He could tell that I was upset, or that something wasn't right. I was afraid, I was alone, and I hated Las Vegas with a PASSION.
I sat down at MRS's desk and we started to talk. My voice quivered and I told him all of the things that I was feeling and just how overwhelmed I was with being in a new place, and being all alone. Then it started to happen, the thing that every man on the face of the Earth hates. I started to cry.
Do you know what MRS's response was? Suck it up or get out, or at least that was it in a nutshell. He said to me, "If you get sad, you can putt." (MRS was not known for being a softy at that time. I was his 5th field staffer -all the others before me had been canned, and I was on my way out too, obviously. Now he's a big softy.)
MRS had this golf putter in his office and he & the boss used to hit the balls around the office when things got to be a bit stressful. I thought, "What an idiot," at the time. Now, I think to myself that I had to prove to myself that I could stick it out. That I could make it on my own.
I was alone and afraid. I didn't want to stay in Vegas, but I was needed there. The President's job was on the line. I had to suck it up because I didn't have a choice. MRS thought I was a joke. I had to prove to HIM that I wasn't a complete retard. If for nothing else, I could not leave until I showed everyone that homesick or not, I was going to work my tail off.
This is a different situation though. I have a choice here. I am not needed. I can do anything I want. That was my excuse for moving out here. I am young, I am single. I don't have anything to lose. I have no attachments and no one to answer to. Now is the perfect time.
Well, I am thinking that now may be the perfect time to throw in the towel. I am not a quitter, so that's why this is so unique for me. Normally, as I did in Vegas, I would be stubborn and pig headed & stay just to either A) tick someone off or B) prove myself to someone that didn't believe in me.
Being here has made me upset, not anyone else, and I've found that I've proven myself to the only person that matters. ME. Anyone that needs me to prove anything to them doesn't really care about me or believe in me in the first place. I am the one that has something to prove to myself.
This time around, I need to prove to myself that I really can go home. I always want people to be proud of me. I want verbal praise. I crave that in my life for some reason. Now, more than ever I am going to show myself that I can be a successful person without having to be miserable. I need to humble myself. I need to suck it up and say, you know what? I made a mistake. I wasn't supposed to be here, but I am going to make it right. I will face everyone that I told I was supposed to go, and tell them they were right, I was wrong.
One of my favorite sayings is that God gives us free will. If we stray from His will, He will always lead us back down the right path if we listen for His voice.
I'm listening now. I think it might be time to putt.
We'll see though. It's been a hard day. I need to get some sleep. I'll let you know what I decide to do tomorrow...
My boss, MRS, called me into his office. He could tell that I was upset, or that something wasn't right. I was afraid, I was alone, and I hated Las Vegas with a PASSION.
I sat down at MRS's desk and we started to talk. My voice quivered and I told him all of the things that I was feeling and just how overwhelmed I was with being in a new place, and being all alone. Then it started to happen, the thing that every man on the face of the Earth hates. I started to cry.
Do you know what MRS's response was? Suck it up or get out, or at least that was it in a nutshell. He said to me, "If you get sad, you can putt." (MRS was not known for being a softy at that time. I was his 5th field staffer -all the others before me had been canned, and I was on my way out too, obviously. Now he's a big softy.)
MRS had this golf putter in his office and he & the boss used to hit the balls around the office when things got to be a bit stressful. I thought, "What an idiot," at the time. Now, I think to myself that I had to prove to myself that I could stick it out. That I could make it on my own.
I was alone and afraid. I didn't want to stay in Vegas, but I was needed there. The President's job was on the line. I had to suck it up because I didn't have a choice. MRS thought I was a joke. I had to prove to HIM that I wasn't a complete retard. If for nothing else, I could not leave until I showed everyone that homesick or not, I was going to work my tail off.
This is a different situation though. I have a choice here. I am not needed. I can do anything I want. That was my excuse for moving out here. I am young, I am single. I don't have anything to lose. I have no attachments and no one to answer to. Now is the perfect time.
Well, I am thinking that now may be the perfect time to throw in the towel. I am not a quitter, so that's why this is so unique for me. Normally, as I did in Vegas, I would be stubborn and pig headed & stay just to either A) tick someone off or B) prove myself to someone that didn't believe in me.
Being here has made me upset, not anyone else, and I've found that I've proven myself to the only person that matters. ME. Anyone that needs me to prove anything to them doesn't really care about me or believe in me in the first place. I am the one that has something to prove to myself.
This time around, I need to prove to myself that I really can go home. I always want people to be proud of me. I want verbal praise. I crave that in my life for some reason. Now, more than ever I am going to show myself that I can be a successful person without having to be miserable. I need to humble myself. I need to suck it up and say, you know what? I made a mistake. I wasn't supposed to be here, but I am going to make it right. I will face everyone that I told I was supposed to go, and tell them they were right, I was wrong.
One of my favorite sayings is that God gives us free will. If we stray from His will, He will always lead us back down the right path if we listen for His voice.
I'm listening now. I think it might be time to putt.
We'll see though. It's been a hard day. I need to get some sleep. I'll let you know what I decide to do tomorrow...
In Christ Alone
"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ." -Philippians 3:7
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Saturday, December 18, 2004
You Can't Take It With You
I've noticed that it's the little things in life that seem to mean the most.
Have you ever noticed how caught up we all get in looking our best, and acquiring mass amounts of useless crap? I know that when I die I won't be able to take any of the garbage I've acquired to my grave, or beyond, so why is it so important?
Every January 1st most people make a New Year's Resolution, one that usually isn't kept. I am making mine early, and I am going to keep it. I am going to stop worrying about who's wearing what, and what kind of car so & so is driving. I don't care that I don't have the nicest car or the top of the line clothes. I know that I can't afford to drop money left and right on a whim. That is okay with me. I just don't act like it most of the time. I usually throw a mini-temper tantrum (only God is invited to this one) and say "Why does (insert name here) have this & that, and I am working so hard and I have nothing?!"
I need to learn to be a good steward of what God has given me. I need to learn to be thankful for what I do have. I know that God wants to bless me, His word says so. I don't doubt that for a minute. Maybe I am not in my dream job right now. Maybe I did work really hard in the past, but I got too big for my britches. I believe that sometimes God needs us to take a different route to get to our final destination. I believe that sometimes God wants to humble us.
Have you ever heard the saying that the Poor are closer to God? It's true.
I am BROKE right now, and my faith in God has grown exponentially. I am learning to rely on Him all over again. It's not by my strength, but by His. He will take care of me.
So from now on, instead of worrying why I don't have, I am going to start thanking God for what I do have.
Have you ever noticed how caught up we all get in looking our best, and acquiring mass amounts of useless crap? I know that when I die I won't be able to take any of the garbage I've acquired to my grave, or beyond, so why is it so important?
Every January 1st most people make a New Year's Resolution, one that usually isn't kept. I am making mine early, and I am going to keep it. I am going to stop worrying about who's wearing what, and what kind of car so & so is driving. I don't care that I don't have the nicest car or the top of the line clothes. I know that I can't afford to drop money left and right on a whim. That is okay with me. I just don't act like it most of the time. I usually throw a mini-temper tantrum (only God is invited to this one) and say "Why does (insert name here) have this & that, and I am working so hard and I have nothing?!"
I need to learn to be a good steward of what God has given me. I need to learn to be thankful for what I do have. I know that God wants to bless me, His word says so. I don't doubt that for a minute. Maybe I am not in my dream job right now. Maybe I did work really hard in the past, but I got too big for my britches. I believe that sometimes God needs us to take a different route to get to our final destination. I believe that sometimes God wants to humble us.
Have you ever heard the saying that the Poor are closer to God? It's true.
I am BROKE right now, and my faith in God has grown exponentially. I am learning to rely on Him all over again. It's not by my strength, but by His. He will take care of me.
So from now on, instead of worrying why I don't have, I am going to start thanking God for what I do have.
Good Word
"But Blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence." -Jeremiah 17:7, NLT
Friday, December 17, 2004
He is Still on the Throne
Pastor Barnett always says that no matter what your circumstances, God is still on the throne. He doesn't stop being God & He doesn't stop loving you just because your life isn't perfect.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
Having Absolutely Nothing to Do with Politics
A friend recently approached me with a question as to what he should do with the current predicament he found himself to be in with Men's Shoe fashion. Apparently tassels are everywhere to be found. He asked me what I thought. Here is my honest opinion on the shoe industry's illustrious love affair with the tasseled shoe for men (and if they put it on a woman's shoe, I will probably boycott the company forever).
A man under the age of 33 should NOT ever wear a tasseled shoe. I only say NEVER because the only time it is appropriate on a younger man is when they are capable of pulling off the YUPPIE look, a la Don Johnson in Miami Vice, circa 1984. If a man can wear a white suit (which I also don't recommend anyone trying, this is not amateur hour here) or a HOT pink polo shirt (collar always popped) with loafers & no socks (Tammy- I'm thinking Kenny is in this mix somewhere, he can pull off the tassels, but he is like 35)...I'm digressing here- THEN TASSELS ARE ALLOWED. I say older men can pull this off because if they don't have a knowing, loving woman in their life, they don't know any better and we accept it by default.
The second option is if you work in the financial or science industries. I mean, and not to sound like a slam or anything, but you guys are known for being dorks, right? Okay, look at it this way: 1) You are probably intelligent and you have money (or at least know how to manage it well enough to make it look as though you have money)- therefore, most women will over look the shoes (even if they do have the dreaded tassel). AND 2) Most of the men I have known that are bankers, accountants and science geeks usually make me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants (this friend included), so once again, tassels are overlooked.
Point being, any man that will not object to a woman dressing him and wants to spend an hour or so with any said woman in question, all you have to do is say, "I don't know what kind of shoes to get, can you come to the mall with me?" You are making a woman very happy in many ways: 1) You are telling a woman that you want her to spend your money. 2) You are giving a woman permission to go shopping. 3) You are admitting in advance that you will probably screw this up if you do it on your own.
The Navy Blue Dilemma:
NEVER WEAR BLACK WITH NAVY BLUE. I have seen a lot of this lately. I am extremely upset, and somewhat offended. When did this become okay? I never got the memo, and even if Mr. Blackwell himself gave the okay, I am going to veto this decision. Burgundy shoes? Yes. Brown shoes? Okay. Black? Never. (Unless you are a Marine in Dress Blues, then you can do WHATEVER YOU WANT!!) Greg, the fact that you just admitted to me that you are an offender today, as I write this, makes me seriously cringe.
When in doubt, ask a woman. If there isn't one around, go to Banana Republic or Nordstroms and find the nearest gay guy. Oxfords, Greg, Oxfords. They look great with everything.
A man under the age of 33 should NOT ever wear a tasseled shoe. I only say NEVER because the only time it is appropriate on a younger man is when they are capable of pulling off the YUPPIE look, a la Don Johnson in Miami Vice, circa 1984. If a man can wear a white suit (which I also don't recommend anyone trying, this is not amateur hour here) or a HOT pink polo shirt (collar always popped) with loafers & no socks (Tammy- I'm thinking Kenny is in this mix somewhere, he can pull off the tassels, but he is like 35)...I'm digressing here- THEN TASSELS ARE ALLOWED. I say older men can pull this off because if they don't have a knowing, loving woman in their life, they don't know any better and we accept it by default.
The second option is if you work in the financial or science industries. I mean, and not to sound like a slam or anything, but you guys are known for being dorks, right? Okay, look at it this way: 1) You are probably intelligent and you have money (or at least know how to manage it well enough to make it look as though you have money)- therefore, most women will over look the shoes (even if they do have the dreaded tassel). AND 2) Most of the men I have known that are bankers, accountants and science geeks usually make me laugh so hard I almost pee my pants (this friend included), so once again, tassels are overlooked.
Point being, any man that will not object to a woman dressing him and wants to spend an hour or so with any said woman in question, all you have to do is say, "I don't know what kind of shoes to get, can you come to the mall with me?" You are making a woman very happy in many ways: 1) You are telling a woman that you want her to spend your money. 2) You are giving a woman permission to go shopping. 3) You are admitting in advance that you will probably screw this up if you do it on your own.
The Navy Blue Dilemma:
NEVER WEAR BLACK WITH NAVY BLUE. I have seen a lot of this lately. I am extremely upset, and somewhat offended. When did this become okay? I never got the memo, and even if Mr. Blackwell himself gave the okay, I am going to veto this decision. Burgundy shoes? Yes. Brown shoes? Okay. Black? Never. (Unless you are a Marine in Dress Blues, then you can do WHATEVER YOU WANT!!) Greg, the fact that you just admitted to me that you are an offender today, as I write this, makes me seriously cringe.
When in doubt, ask a woman. If there isn't one around, go to Banana Republic or Nordstroms and find the nearest gay guy. Oxfords, Greg, Oxfords. They look great with everything.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Proverbs 18:24
"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother." -Proverbs 18:24
People have swept into my life like a summer breeze, and swept out just as quickly. In our lives we meet people that are around for a moment, a season, or for a lifetime. No matter what the time period, or reason that they are there...They just are.
How often have we taken for granted those that stand by us, lift us up, encourage us, and basically just put up with our garbage? I know that there are too many times, more than I can count on both hands, and probably feet, that I have done this. So, to all of my great friends, THANK YOU. I would not be who I am, good or bad, without you.
People have swept into my life like a summer breeze, and swept out just as quickly. In our lives we meet people that are around for a moment, a season, or for a lifetime. No matter what the time period, or reason that they are there...They just are.
How often have we taken for granted those that stand by us, lift us up, encourage us, and basically just put up with our garbage? I know that there are too many times, more than I can count on both hands, and probably feet, that I have done this. So, to all of my great friends, THANK YOU. I would not be who I am, good or bad, without you.
Sunday, December 12, 2004
Yuletide Carols Being Sung by a Choir
Have you ever looked at your life and thought about things that you take for granted?
I am sitting here, and I realize that a lot of my friends back home are in the Christmas Play. They are on stage as I write this. That makes me sad. Not for them, for me. The things that I have tried so desperately to get away from, are the things that I missed the most.
I miss getting to the church early and going into the prayer room. I miss setting up my makeup station and screaming that someone has stolen my (insert one, or all of the following): lip brush/concealer brush/ blush brush/ red lipstick, eye liner. Or because someone has set up their stuff in my station. GRRR! Then an adoring fan brings me a Gingerbread latte from Starbucks. Then my fans begin to line up so that I can make them beautiful for their closeups. I laugh and make jokes. I enjoy what I do. It makes me feel good to know that people rely on me. To know that people think I do a good job. It may not be much, but I've always liked making people happy. I don't know when I decided that that was a bad trait to have.
Then, I look down at my watch and realize that the curtain is going up and the choir is singing "Joy to the World" and I have to be on stage in 5 minutes and I am so NOT ready! I go screeching down the hallway, running down flights of stairs, and usually bumping into four to five random cast members. Then a devoted friend helps me change into my costume (remember when we did the 1800's scene? Hoop skirts & bonnets... Fake British accents. Charles Dickens is the picture of Christmas!).
Then I get to go on stage and sing and dance and act cheesy. I have fun. It's my life. I've been running from this for the past few years because I have been running from being someone that everyone wants me to be. I was trying to find out who I was. I knew who I was the whole time.
I miss going with all of the Youth Group kids to Starbucks, or to Dairy Queen, or Rolberto's (for greasy, yummy, Mexican food), or TP-ing at one of the pastor's houses. (I think JP is still ticked about that!) Let's also not forget about late night trips to the Super Walmart!
I miss hanging out with my mom. I miss seeing my friend's kids & hearing them talk about seeing Santa. I want to watch White Christmas with Lynda. I want to laugh at every line of Elf with Missy- because you're a cotton headed ninny muggins! (And play Apples to Apples & WIN!) I want to drink hot chocolate and talk with a friend. Do you know I haven't even watch my Christmas staple movies yet this year? (The original "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," "Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer," "Frosty the Snowman," & "Charlie Brown Christmas.")
So, moral of the story...It took me moving FAR away to realize that there is no place like home.
I am sitting here, and I realize that a lot of my friends back home are in the Christmas Play. They are on stage as I write this. That makes me sad. Not for them, for me. The things that I have tried so desperately to get away from, are the things that I missed the most.
I miss getting to the church early and going into the prayer room. I miss setting up my makeup station and screaming that someone has stolen my (insert one, or all of the following): lip brush/concealer brush/ blush brush/ red lipstick, eye liner. Or because someone has set up their stuff in my station. GRRR! Then an adoring fan brings me a Gingerbread latte from Starbucks. Then my fans begin to line up so that I can make them beautiful for their closeups. I laugh and make jokes. I enjoy what I do. It makes me feel good to know that people rely on me. To know that people think I do a good job. It may not be much, but I've always liked making people happy. I don't know when I decided that that was a bad trait to have.
Then, I look down at my watch and realize that the curtain is going up and the choir is singing "Joy to the World" and I have to be on stage in 5 minutes and I am so NOT ready! I go screeching down the hallway, running down flights of stairs, and usually bumping into four to five random cast members. Then a devoted friend helps me change into my costume (remember when we did the 1800's scene? Hoop skirts & bonnets... Fake British accents. Charles Dickens is the picture of Christmas!).
Then I get to go on stage and sing and dance and act cheesy. I have fun. It's my life. I've been running from this for the past few years because I have been running from being someone that everyone wants me to be. I was trying to find out who I was. I knew who I was the whole time.
I miss going with all of the Youth Group kids to Starbucks, or to Dairy Queen, or Rolberto's (for greasy, yummy, Mexican food), or TP-ing at one of the pastor's houses. (I think JP is still ticked about that!) Let's also not forget about late night trips to the Super Walmart!
I miss hanging out with my mom. I miss seeing my friend's kids & hearing them talk about seeing Santa. I want to watch White Christmas with Lynda. I want to laugh at every line of Elf with Missy- because you're a cotton headed ninny muggins! (And play Apples to Apples & WIN!) I want to drink hot chocolate and talk with a friend. Do you know I haven't even watch my Christmas staple movies yet this year? (The original "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," "Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer," "Frosty the Snowman," & "Charlie Brown Christmas.")
So, moral of the story...It took me moving FAR away to realize that there is no place like home.
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Drip, Drip, Drop Little April Showers
WHY IS IT RAINING SO MUCH?!?!
It's already rained this once this week. It rained all day today. It's supposed to rain tomorrow. Ugh. I didn't know that I moved to Seattle...
Anyway, today was a depressing day, but I am getting over it. There is something about the rain that makes me want to sleep, or watch an old movie, or do both. I slept until 11:30 (don't tell Chris, he might have a heart attack) and then I read, and then I watched the news and then part of a movie. So lets just say that it was a totally meaningless day. But I loved the fact that I didn't have to interact with anyone and I didn't have to be intelligent or happy for anyone.
Patty called me and we were supposed to go to a political happy hour. Since neither of us felt like being 'social' we decided to meet for dinner.
It's nice how complete strangers turn into the most trusted friends. We met at this great Italian place and had some pasta (GASP! Carbs!!) and a bottle of Pinot Grigio (a must). She really encouraged me to keep going and not to give up on DC. She also let me know that it was okay to make mistakes (see earlier posts about stupid southern men) and I will be okay. Its nice to hear someone else say it every now and then. (Sometimes my pep talks that I give to myself are not so convincing.)
So after a day of rain, and the thought of getting up at the crack of dawn to go to work at a department store, I actually have gained a bit more confidence and I know that things are going to be okay. Rain or shine, things are going to be okay.
It's already rained this once this week. It rained all day today. It's supposed to rain tomorrow. Ugh. I didn't know that I moved to Seattle...
Anyway, today was a depressing day, but I am getting over it. There is something about the rain that makes me want to sleep, or watch an old movie, or do both. I slept until 11:30 (don't tell Chris, he might have a heart attack) and then I read, and then I watched the news and then part of a movie. So lets just say that it was a totally meaningless day. But I loved the fact that I didn't have to interact with anyone and I didn't have to be intelligent or happy for anyone.
Patty called me and we were supposed to go to a political happy hour. Since neither of us felt like being 'social' we decided to meet for dinner.
It's nice how complete strangers turn into the most trusted friends. We met at this great Italian place and had some pasta (GASP! Carbs!!) and a bottle of Pinot Grigio (a must). She really encouraged me to keep going and not to give up on DC. She also let me know that it was okay to make mistakes (see earlier posts about stupid southern men) and I will be okay. Its nice to hear someone else say it every now and then. (Sometimes my pep talks that I give to myself are not so convincing.)
So after a day of rain, and the thought of getting up at the crack of dawn to go to work at a department store, I actually have gained a bit more confidence and I know that things are going to be okay. Rain or shine, things are going to be okay.
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Psalm 66:19
God is faithful. He answers prayers. He takes care of those that are faithful to Him and His word. I am standing on His promise that says, "For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
I am asking for prayer for favor here in DC and for God's hand to guide me in the right direction, that I would cross paths with those that will help me find the job that I am supposed to be in. I also need God's provision financially.
Thanks for standing in prayer with me.
"Again, I tell you that if two of you on Earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in Heaven." -Matthew 18:19
I am asking for prayer for favor here in DC and for God's hand to guide me in the right direction, that I would cross paths with those that will help me find the job that I am supposed to be in. I also need God's provision financially.
Thanks for standing in prayer with me.
"Again, I tell you that if two of you on Earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in Heaven." -Matthew 18:19
Thursday, December 02, 2004
Apathy, Party of 200, Your Table is Ready
Well, I was shocked when I logged onto to the Arizona Young Republican website (www.arizonayr.com) today to read the "Victory" note that was posted, along with a dashing photo of our President. I love that so many people take so much pride in doing so little. It would have been more proper to say, "Thank you Danielle, Amanda, Gabi, Val, Jess..." (I know I have left out a few names, but unfortunately, not many.) I hate to sound bitter or hateful, but here I go anyway.
Since when does being a part of an organization, by name and a membership due ONLY, entitle you to the fruits of others labor? I can name on one, MAYBE two hands the people who were faithfully out working at the grassroots level to see our President re-elected, from the YR's group. It's amazing how NOT EVEN OUR CHAIRMAN went to phone banks, and actually MADE CALLS. I mean, it's one thing for you to go and do the work and occasionally chit chat, as Danielle, Jessica, Gabi & I did, but it is QUITE ANOTHER to show up & not do a damn thing. I understand that people are busy. I understand that we all have lives. Let's take a little pride in our country though. This effort was not an effort to elevate ourselves in the eyes of others, but to elevate our President in the eyes of his constituents, fellow citizens and neighbors.
In two years we have to make damn sure that we get Napolitano out of office. Will the YR's turn out in FULL FORCE then, or will it be another pathetic attempt to look as though we are working, but really not doing much of anything? What would have happened if George W. Bush was not re-elected? How many people would have then said, "What could I have done differently, or more so to change the outcome?"
We should never have to ask ourselves this question under any circumstances. The answer should always be, "I HONESTLY did everything I could."
One hour a week makes more of a difference than no hours ever.
Since when does being a part of an organization, by name and a membership due ONLY, entitle you to the fruits of others labor? I can name on one, MAYBE two hands the people who were faithfully out working at the grassroots level to see our President re-elected, from the YR's group. It's amazing how NOT EVEN OUR CHAIRMAN went to phone banks, and actually MADE CALLS. I mean, it's one thing for you to go and do the work and occasionally chit chat, as Danielle, Jessica, Gabi & I did, but it is QUITE ANOTHER to show up & not do a damn thing. I understand that people are busy. I understand that we all have lives. Let's take a little pride in our country though. This effort was not an effort to elevate ourselves in the eyes of others, but to elevate our President in the eyes of his constituents, fellow citizens and neighbors.
In two years we have to make damn sure that we get Napolitano out of office. Will the YR's turn out in FULL FORCE then, or will it be another pathetic attempt to look as though we are working, but really not doing much of anything? What would have happened if George W. Bush was not re-elected? How many people would have then said, "What could I have done differently, or more so to change the outcome?"
We should never have to ask ourselves this question under any circumstances. The answer should always be, "I HONESTLY did everything I could."
One hour a week makes more of a difference than no hours ever.
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Hurry Up & Wait
Well, here I am in our Nation's Capitol. I wonder why though. I mean I am sitting in my apartment not doing anything but praying that my phone will ring or that someone will send me an email saying, "We want to hire you. You start tomorrow."
Alas, this has not happened. So I hurried out here so I could sit and wait. So here I am...Waiting, and waiting some more, and still waiting. I get to start pounding the pavement tomorrow. (Joy of joys).
Tonight I am going to the Bush-Cheney HQ in VA to volunteer (everything comes full circle, doesn't it?) and hopefully there I will make some new contacts that can help me in my quest to reach the top.
So as I keep waiting, I will keep you all updated on my search.
Alas, this has not happened. So I hurried out here so I could sit and wait. So here I am...Waiting, and waiting some more, and still waiting. I get to start pounding the pavement tomorrow. (Joy of joys).
Tonight I am going to the Bush-Cheney HQ in VA to volunteer (everything comes full circle, doesn't it?) and hopefully there I will make some new contacts that can help me in my quest to reach the top.
So as I keep waiting, I will keep you all updated on my search.
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